A Light That Never Disappears消えない光
by Hirahirari
Summary: OkitaxOC,Tsubasa. Main character works as a secret agent of Kiheitai. Given a mission to assassinate Shinsengumi, she sneaks into headquarters, but gets caught by Okita. Both love at first sight, but have unsettled emotions over mental wall called enemy
1. Chapter 1

Gintama Fanfiction・Long-Term・Okita Sougo  
>I got a lovely idea for a fanfic from an Amember, Sadaharu-sama!<br>She visualised a story for me from Arashi's song "truth".  
>To word this idea of a story with the visual image of this song, I will like to try my best at writing this long-term fanficヾ(＠^▽^＠)ﾉ<p>

The OC's name is Shiratori Tsubasa.  
>Her pairing is Okita Sougo.<p>

I don't have much confidence in myself... but I would be really happy if you will try and give it a read (*^▽^*)

Okay, so let's start^^! -Hirari

* * *

><p>A Light That Never Disappears 1<p>

* * *

><p>It is the midnight where everybody is fast asleep.<br>Continuing on from today's rainy weather, the sky is pasted with clouds, without a single star visible.  
>This is mission to accomplish an internal investigation within the Shinsengumi, instructed by Takasugi Shinsuke.<p>

Shiratori Tsubasa is my name.

Working under Takasugi, I have successfully entered Shinsengumi and had started the investigation that I put my lifeline upon.  
>If I am found out by even one of the Shinsengumi members, it's over.<p>

To complete the mission, I kill my presence and sneak right into the internal parts of the Shinsengumi headquarters that keeps its utter silence.

I slightly shiver at the somewhat cold air as I rush into investigation of what I am here to do.

"Investigation I say... but it probably means assassination, by _his _definition," I mutter quietly to myself and sigh.

_And __to __make __a __girl __like __me __do __such __a __task..._

"That's how highly he's respects, and trusts you," is what Bansai-san had reasoned me, but to me it's just an utter troublesome matter.

Kondou Isao, Commander of Shinsengumi  
>Hijikata Toushiro, Vice-Commander of Shinsengumi<br>And lastly, Captain of the First Division in Shinsengumi... the one known with the highest swordsman skills... Okita Sougo.  
>These three are ones I have to be especially cautious of, is what my mates have had told me.<br>I have confidence in my swordsman skills, but that doesn't mean that I, a girl, should be assassinating _that _Shinsengumi.

_I __really __hate __bloodshed... __so __why __on __earth __did __I __accept __this __mission?_

I slump my shoulders with full of regret before moving into the room in front of me without a sound.  
>I then withdraw my sword slowly.<br>As if on cue, this is the time my hands always starts shaking.

I hate holding my sword... and I really _hate_ killing.  
>But I <em>have <em>to do this.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.  
>My heavy eyelids then open up to reveal a pair of far-off looking, emotionless eyes.<p>

_I'm __going __to __take __in __action __for __the __Shinsengumi __assassination __now.  
>Cast <em>_away __unnecessary __emotions.  
>Grip <em>_tightly __onto __your __sword..._

That's what I say to myself strongly in my mind, before moving into the room.

In the first pitch-black dark room, no one is there.  
>I had come here once before in an investigation, and if I recall correctly, this should be the Shinsengumi's commander's room.<p>

_Was __I __wrong...? __Or __else..._

I feel something off and I have a bad feeling.

_...it's __eerily __quiet._

"They...found me out?" I murmur as I feel a presence behind me, and I turn around.

_...I__was__right._

There's a line of Shinsengumi forces with their swords aimed at me.

"Reveal yourself, intruder!"  
>As expected of Shinsengumi, the commander must've already noticed my presence and had removed himself from this room.<br>I grimace slightly and smoothly remove myself out of the room too.

"Hold it, intruder!"  
>I swiftly dodge the forces and their blades and jump onto the roof.<br>Many more Shinsengumi members start filing out of different rooms by now, making a racket.

_This __is __an __utter __failure.  
>I <em>_wonder __when __it __was __that __they __noticed __my __presence..._ I think with a pale face.  
><em>Well, <em>_putting __that __matter __aside, __first __I __have __to __get __out __of __here!_

I detect an area with the fewest members of the Shinsengumi members and I glance down to see if the coast is clear.

_It's __dim __and __dark... __No __one __seems __to __be __there._

I take a deep breath and jump down from the roof...  
>...and that's when I most unfortunately had let my foot slip.<br>Along with a dull thud, I really quiet choking cry comes out of my mouth that is suppressed to my best extent at this point in time.

"Ow... I really don't have any luck today..."

Fortunately I don't seem to have broken any bones but just a searing pain at the hip when it had contacted the ground.  
>As I try to ease the pain, I feel a presence beside me and I stand up in an instant.<br>But that's when I realise that I had also sprained my ankle.  
>It hurts too much that I can't take any step forwards or backwards.<p>

_This __is __bad... at __this __rate, __I'm __going __to __get __caught...!_

Immediately after that, I feel a ice cold chill run down my spine.

"...who are you?"  
>At this time, just when my body had started shaking from the danger I felt, I hear this quiet voice and I bravely turn around to face the person...<p>

...and it then feels as if time had stopped.

In the darkness I see the chestnut hair and the beautiful, well-structured face beyond perfect that takes away my breath...  
>But even from his slightly dulled posture, I still feel the killing aura he consumes himself with.<p>

Unintentionally, I find myself staring at him, fully mesmerised by his appearance.

He wears his casual kimono robes and his sword leans over his shoulder as he holds it dully.

_I __wonder __if __he __had __been __just __woken __up __because __his __face __expression __looks __a __little __tired..._

...which means my intrusion is the reason he woke up.

_If __I __get __caught __by __this __person, __it's __all __over_ I think but I can't move myself away from this person.  
>I can't... avert my gaze.<br>Before I realise it, my heart starts beating rapidly.  
>I become confused with this feeling that I've never felt before.<p>

_No! __No! __No! __I __have __to __throw __away __unnecessary __emotions __when __I'm __on __a __mission!_

Or that's how it's supposed to be, but just staring at this person makes me bring back my emotions that I had thrown away.

"So you're the intruder... Give up and surrender. It's your fault that I got woken up at this hour," he says and then takes a step towards me.  
>That's when I get my senses back.<p>

_If __I __don't __run __away __now, __it's __all __over!_

I turn my back to the guy and try to break into a run... when I feel a thin ice-like weapon against my neck.  
>The silver sword against my neck gleams silver as I feel the presence of the guy right beside me.<br>Before I know it, I'm captured by this guy and in a position that if I move one more step forward, I'll get sliced.

"...if you move, I'll strike."  
>I hold my breath as I hear the voice right beside my ear.<br>My heart starts beating wildly from fear and nervousness.

A drop of cold rain falls from the sky...

The morning subtle warm sun rises and casts its rays over the headquarters that surrounds with the sound of birds lively chirping.  
>I open the fusuma (Japanese traditional paper door) to the quiet room and take a look inside.<p>

I sigh and stare at the chick soundlessly sleeps even with her hands tied behind her back.  
>This is the chick I had captured yesterday and had imprisoned her in this room.<br>It happened to be around midnight...

* * *

><p>flashback<p>

I wake up at the sound of thundering footsteps of the Shinsengumi members and their loud voices that's making a racket just past midnight.  
>I groggily take off my eye-mask and rub my sleepy eyes when my fusuma is wrenched open with a loud thud to the wall.<p>

"Wake up, Sougo!"  
>The one that shouts loudly in the middle of the night is the bastard Hijikata.<p>

"What? Think what time it is before you start screaming, Hijikata," I say dully that makes Hijikata-san furrow his brows.

"There's an intruder. By the looks of the intruder sneaking into Kondou-san's room... it's probably an assassinator," he says and the click his tongue and ruffles his hair, annoyed.

"Okay, then I'll hand in my Hijikata-assassination request to that person."  
>I force myself to stand up and grab my sword in hand.<p>

"Then I'll hand in my Sougo-assassination request to that person before you." Hijikata-san's glare shows his irritation towards me so I keep my face calm and continue.

"Then before your 'before' that, I will-" I start, but then get interrupted by a few squad members that rush into the room.

"I'm deeply sorry, vice-commander! The intruder has escaped!"  
>By the looks of the sweat these guys seem to have, they probably chased the intruder.<p>

_He~...__He __seems __to __be __fast __on __his __shoes __when __it __comes __to __escaping._

"Tch! Fine... but the intruder must still be somewhere in the headquarters. Block all passages to the outside and find the intruder. Sougo! You too!" Hijikata-san says and then leaves my room.

_...how __bothersome._

I consider crawling back into my futon, but the opponent's aim is to assassinate. The problem there is that I might be one of the targets...  
>So I have no option but to get out of my room with a sword in hand.<p>

When I take a step outside the cold wind seeps through into the robes, making me shiver.

Just when I consider a second thought of returning to my room, I hear something fall.  
>A dull thud accompanied by a much muffled sound of a person's voice.<br>I walk over towards where the sound had come from.

"...who are you?"  
>In the midst of darkness I see... just one chick.<p>

She wraps herself in a black kimono that hides her in the darkness...  
>The pitch black hair is tied in one bundle at the back...<br>Her eyes that stare right into mine so intensely...

I just stand and stare right back, captivated by her appearance.  
>Between us a silent wind makes its way through.<br>Before I realise it, my heart starts thumping loudly and makes me at unease, although I keep my face expression calm so she won't notice my restless emotion.

_How __pointless... __she's __an __enemy __after __all._

"So you're the intruder... Give up and surrender. It's your fault that I got woken up at this hour," I say and lazily walk over towards her.  
>As if she had suddenly felt herself in danger, she turns around in a flash and tries to escape but I move right up to her from behind, effortlessly, and I put my sword against her neck.<p>

"...if you move, I'll strike," I whisper right up close as she holds her breath.  
>The quiet night sky then starts showering us lightly with rain...<p>

end of flashback

* * *

><p>Closing the fusuma door without a sound, I quietly make over towards the sleeping chick and sit right beside her.<p>

_Such __a __breathtaking __face... _I think as I stare until I realise that I can't take my eyes off her.

_...is __this __what __people __call __"love __at __first __sight"?_

Realizing my own feelings towards this chick, I feel my cheeks start to burn up.  
>I move closer towards the chick who sleeps soundlessly.<br>By the time I feel that I want to touch her, my lips had only been only a few cm away from hers when...

"Captain Okita~~!"  
>A loud voice calls my name.<p>

_...tch! __That __bastard __interfering..._

"...Captain! I brought the girl's breakfast!"  
>The one who had slammed the fusuma door open and had come right into the room is Kamiyama, the one with swirling lenses for his glasses.<br>Since he seems to have run all the way, the contents of breakfast on the plate is a big mess.

"I was wrong to ask you for it," I sigh deeply.

"To be kind enough to give breakfast regardless of the person being an enemy, it's just like... wow! It's just like you to do so, captain!"

_He's __not __listening __at __all..._

"I'm done with you. Just hurry up and scram. Just leave that here and disappear for eternity."

"Yes, sir!"  
>He greets me in a way like a soldier before rushing out of the room.<br>I take the breakfast that Kamiyama had brought in hand and shake the chick awake who hadn't woken up from that loud Kamiyama's voice.

"Oi, wake up," I call her, and the chick then furrows her brows as she lets out a small groan.

"Mm..."  
>She then opens her eyes wide and glances towards my way widening her eyes furtherer.<p>

"Wa-w-w-wha...!"  
>I can't help but feel an upwards pull at the edge of my lips as I see her opening her mouth and shutting it numerous times, extremely flustered.<p>

"Did you sleep well?" I ask with a curve of a smirk forming at the edge of my lips as I gaze down at the chick lying down.  
>Her flustered actions is so amusing to watch, that it makes me chuckle lightly.<p>

"Here, your breakfast," I say and I bring the plate of breakfast forward towards her.  
>She grimaces as she finds that she can't sit herself up, presumably because of the tied wrists.<p>

"...can you untie the ropes, please?" she murmurs quietly that becomes a fuel to my sadistic mode.

"No way. Eat it with your own strength," I tease, and then once again, the chick grimaces. She glares at me strongly before looking away.

"Then I don't need it!"

_...how __boring._

I show a slightly sulking expression towards the chick who now faces her back towards me.

_Fine, __fine..._ I think and help her sit up.  
>She twitches her shoulders up to my touch.<p>

I scoop some egg porridge with a spoon and bring it to the chick's mouth.

"...here," I say in a bored tone.  
>She then blushes a little and looks this way.<br>Her surprised stare towards me makes my heart thump.

"I-I don't need it..." she says after realizing she had been staring and quickly averts her gaze.  
>She then stays downcast and she leaves me no choice to retreat my hand that holds the spoon.<br>I then carry it all the way back to my mouth instead.  
>And then I cup the chick's cheek.<p>

"W-what are you...mmngh..."  
>I press my lips against the flustering chick's lips and then transfer the egg porridge from my mouth to hers.<br>When these lips part from hers, I take a lick upon her mouth.

"Eat the rest by yourself," I mutter before I stand up.  
>I turn around and quickly remove myself from the room to hide my blushing face, even though it had been me who initiated upon the action.<p>

* * *

><p>The room becomes quiet after the sound of the fusuma door closing.<br>Both heartbeats were thundering in their ribcages...

* * *

><p>How was it~~? *sweat*<br>I reread it to myself and then thought maybe it wasn't such an interesting fan-fic...  
>Hirari is very worried and not confident with this (-"-;A<p>

But this story will still continue on, so I will be really happy if you would continue reading this and support me＞＜

-Hirari


	2. Chapter 2

(Continued from 'A Light That Never Disappears 1'  
>A story that was made from an idea an Amember<p>

It was an idea requested to me from the image created by the song 'truth' by Arashi.  
>I recommend listening to the song while reading<p>

Enjoy!)

* * *

><p>A Light That Never Disappears 2<p>

* * *

><p>My heart beats so rapidly.<p>

_What __the __hell __am __I __doing..._

I feel my face grow hot as I still have the faint, sweet taste of the egg porridge that had been transferred by mouth to mouth.

_That __guy... __His __uniform __wasn't __the __same __as __the __other __members..._

That means that it's one of the people I have to assassinate.

"I have to assassinate... don't I?" I murmur to myself quietly as I drop me head down low.

_What __the __hell __am __I __saying!_

I shake my head to and fro, trying to get rid of the thought that had suggested emotions such as 'I don't want to kill'.

_I __am __a __member __of __the __Kiheitai __and __our __enemy __is __the __Shinsengumi.  
>My <em>_job __is __to __assassinate.  
>So <em>_why __all __of __a __sudden, __am __I __being __girlish __for?_

When I had decided that I was going to work for Takasugi Shinsuke as his undercover agent, I promised myself to throw away my feminine self.

Or I thought I had...

But my chest hurts just by thinking about _him_.  
>What on Earth is this feeling?<p>

_It's __too __long __ago __to __be __able __to __remember __what __kind __of __emotion __this __is...  
>I <em>_can't __remember __my __femininity __anymore..._

Cold wind swiftly makes its way through the fusuma doors that have been slightly left ajar as my eyes turn into a far away look.

_What __am __I __supposed __to __say __to __Takasugi-san..._

I slump my shoulders as I realise that I've only been sighing for awhile.  
>That's when I then notice that it's rather noisy outside right behind those fusuma doors.<br>I hear a lot of voices.

"Did you get a glimpse of her!"

"Not yet~"

* * *

><p>The Shinsengumi members are making a racket when I reach the wide meeting room (which is used like a living room when no meeting is held).<br>"Did you get a glimpse of her?" is all I can hear coming from their voices.

"Yamazaki, what the hell is this racket?" I ask Yamazaki who I find beside me.  
>Yamazaki turns my way, and like others, has a lit up face with such excitement.<p>

"Captain Okita! If I remember correctly, you're the one who captured that girl, right!" he says with sparkling eyes.  
>Others then all start staring at me with stars in their eyes too.<p>

_...that __girl?_

To Yamazaki's words, I look up and think for a bit.  
>In my mind, 'that girl' who had intruded into Shinsengumi headquarters floats to the surface.<p>

"...aah, yeah. So what?" I say which makes the members look at each other in excitement.

"It's a rumour that she's really beautiful! Captain, you saw her too, didn't you? How was she?"  
>Shinsengumi, only occupied by awful stinking guys...<br>From the lack of chicks in this place, they don't seem to mind if it's an enemy as long as it's a chick...  
>I feel irritation bubbling up inside me but I keep it down and instead put on my pokerface.<p>

"It's a shame that on the enemy's side with those looks," I say following a smirk before turning my back on them.  
>Behind me I hear the exciting voices of those I leave behind.<p>

_I __can't __forgive __her __for __attempting __to __assassinate __Kondou-san...  
>But <em>_that __chick... __she __doesn't __look __like __she's __used __to __killing __people.  
>Normally <em>_you __would __charge __at __the __forces __swinging __your __sword __to __slice __at __them.  
>But <em>_even __when __I __found __her, __she __didn't __even __try __to __take __out __her __sword __from __the __sword's __sheath.  
>Maybe... <em>_even __if __we __left __her __alone, __she __wouldn't __have __assassinated._

These thoughts come to mind as I walk down the corridor, away from the meeting hall where I had felt uncomfortable being in with everyone talking about that chick.  
>It irritates me to no end when people other than me are talking about that chick.<p>

_I __hate __this..._

With a darkened face, I keep walking until I find myself hearing another group of members making a fuss.

"What...again?" I sigh and start walking towards their voices.  
>The voices become closer, and then I realise that they're all bunching around the chick's room.<p>

"Oi! Let me see too!"

"Oh, man~! If only she wasn't on the enemy's side~!"

I stand right behind the members who are taking a peek from the slightly opened fusuma doors and take my sword out of its sheath.

"Oh, man~. If only you guys were on the enemy's side~," I open my mouth and say, "then I don't have to feel so bad about slicing you guys up into dices."

They all turn around in a split second and then become pale white in fear.

"Ones who don't work has to seppuku," I smirk and raise my sword, but then I'm stopped by a hand that drops on my shoulder.

"Are you the one to say that? You're the one who always slacks off work."  
>When I turn around, I see those contracted pupils glare at me as Hijikata puffs out a breath of smoke from his cigarette.<p>

"What, I'm just trying to do the right thing," I reply easily.

"Shut up and just keep an eye on that chick," he says after snorting at me, "and you guys, get your lazy asses back to work too!"

Hijikata glares at the other members before leaving.

I won't _EVER _say just as expected from Hijikata... but by his words, the members start to scram and I stand alone on the bare corridor before the chick's room.

_Though __he __says __'keep __an __eye'...  
>I <em>_only __just __came __out __from __this __room __awhile __ago...  
>...and <em>_actually __took __such __an __action __before __too._

I reminisce what I had done when feeding the chick her breakfast.

_And __I'm __supposed __to __walk __back __in __normally __after __all __that?_

"..."

_What __the __hell __am __I __doing? __I'm __the __one __who __did __it __with __my __own __will._

I hate thinking about stupid stuff that circulates my mind in a whirl.  
>I grab a fist full of my hair in frustration before opening the fusuma door.<br>Apparently I had opened the door too forcefully that it had made the chick whip towards this way in shock.

"...did you eat?"  
>I don't know what to say, so I say what first comes to mind after seeing the breakfast on tray beside her.<br>I can see by looking. She hasn't touched her food since I had left.

"It's obviously impossible... I can't use my hands, remember?" the chick replies in a moody tone after she turns away from me.  
>For now, I sit right beside her and look at her downcast face.<p>

"Do you want me to feed you again?" I tease and smirk as I see the chick blush bright red.

"N-No need!" she shouts and glares at me before turning away.

_She's __our __enemy... isn't __she?  
>But <em>_she __doesn't __feel __like __one...  
>She's <em>_already __feeling __'comfortable' __here._

There's a lot of things I want to know... not as an enemy, but as a woman.

"What's your name?" I murmur a question quietly, looking away from the chick.

"Why on Earth would I tell an enemy my name so easily?"

"...I'm Okita Sougo," I introduce without replying to her words.  
>She then spins around my way with widened eyes.<p>

"It's okay if I say it too then, right? So say your name already."

To that, the chick doesn't seem to be able to hide her shock, but slowly opens her mouth to speak.

"...S-Shiratori Tsubasa..." she says quieter than a whisper, and then become downcast with worry-filled eyes.

"Tsubasa... that's a nice name."

_...what __the __hell __am __I __saying..._

It's true that I find it rather nice.  
>But... it's definitely weird to be praising an enemy's name.<br>After I slip the words out of my mouth, the chick... _Tsubasa_ once again with shock written on her face.  
>Though this time, she seems to be blushing.<br>I see my reflection in those huge, beautiful eyes that stare at me so intensely.  
>I avert my gaze from being stared at too intensely that my heart is about to go wild.<p>

"Why are you looking so shocked?" I ask while I meaninglessly scratch my head.

"Because it was the first time someone praised my name!" Tsubasa exclaims quickly after snapping her head away from me as if she had just realised that she had been staring for a prolonged time.  
>Even her ears are bright red.<p>

_Is __it __something __to __be __THAT __embarrassed __about?_

My lip at the corner rises as I find it amusing to see Tsubasa's face expression change so frequently.

_I __never __become __bored __when __I'm __with __her_.

I then suddenly feel the urge to want to touch her fully blushed cheek.  
>Tsubasa stares at me in a slight surprise as I reach my hand out towards Tsubasa.<br>I close the distance between us.  
>I stare straight back at Tsubasa's eyes as I finally set my hands on her cheek.<br>In the quiet room we stare at each other while the warm sunlight makes its way through the slight gap between the two fusuma doors, reaching us.  
>My eyes narrow as I see her face become more and more red.<p>

"...jokes."  
>Just when our lips are about to touch, I stop my movement.<br>After my whisper, I move away from her and try to settle my loudly beating heart by quietly inhale and exhale deeply, making sure Tsubasa doesn't notice.

"Wha..."  
>When I steal a glance towards her way, I see her mouth open and shut and her cute expression as if saying 'unbelievable'.<p>

_...if __I __had __continued, __I __probably __wouldn't __have __been __able __to __stop __myself.  
>After <em>_all, __my __heart __gets __stolen __only __by __being __stared __at.  
>Seriously... <em>_what's __with __her?_

I growl inwardly at the confidence I'm losing because of her existence.

* * *

><p>I want to see how blushed I am right now, but with my hands that can't be used, it's hopeless.<p>

"Okita Sougo"

The one that is rumoured to be the best swordsman of Shinsengumi... and the first division Captain.  
>Blood drains to know that he's the one that my other undercover mates had warned me about.<p>

_And __I __have... __some __sort __of __feelings __towards __this __man..._

But even if I'm asked what kind of feeling this is, I won't be able to answer.  
>This is the first time to have this kind of feeling, and I'm not quite sure what it is myself.<p>

_"Tsubasa... __that's __a __nice __name."_

The moment he had said that, my chest had felt hot in a positive way.  
>Nobody had ever praised my name before.<br>Hell... my name is hardly called.  
>Kiheitai isn't a place where you make friends and help each other out.<br>It's not a place where you're supposed to be friendly and remember everyone's names.

So... I had actually felt really happy when he praised me.  
>My heart constricts in to suffocation as he stares at me so intensely.<br>What am I supposed to do with this over-filling emotion that I can't understand?  
>What am I supposed to do to calm this rapidly beating heart?<p>

_"...jokes."_

To those words I can only stare at him and move my mouth to speak that doesn't produce any sound since I can't find any words to say.

A comfortable atmosphere surrounds the two of us as if we are both having a day off work and enjoying the peaceful day.

_...even __though __he's __supposed __to __be __my __enemy._

I have to escape from here.  
>But... my true feelings are that I want to stay here a little longer... by his side.<p>

_Just __a __little __bit... __just __only __a __little __bit __more... __let __me __breathe __in __the __same __air __as __him, _I murmur inwardly as I close my eyes.

Peaceful atmosphere can be destroyed so easily.  
>But at this time, I don't notice the icy cold wind that blends in with the warm wind that surrounds us...<p>

* * *

><p>I'm sorry~ ;_;<p>

It was sorta a drag of emotional paragraphs and was a bit annoying, wasn't it? *sweatdrop*

And I'm really late in submitting my stories recently and Hirari is rather sado(TωT )

It's because when it's because when I get back home I have bentou and projects etc（/TДT)/!

I'm still going to be quite late with my coming submittions too, but I will try my best to submit, and read all my lovely comments (＞_＜)！

Because everybody's comments and favs are my treasure (〃∇〃)

So, thank you very much for reading!

I will be really happy if you could read the next chapter too (＞＜; )


	3. Chapter 3

(Continued from 'A Light That Never Disappears 2'  
>A story that was made from an idea an Amember<p>

It was an idea requested to me from the image created by the song 'truth' by Arashi.  
>I recommend listening to the song while reading<p>

Enjoy!)

* * *

><p>A Light That Never Disappears 3<p>

* * *

><p>The cast stars upon the deep dark night, glow brightly.<br>The beautiful full moon gives a spotlight to the huge ship that quietly stays buoyant upon the river.  
>The native grass and trees quietly listen to the sound of the shamisen that travels through these windows.<br>But the sound stops when a voice instead reaches one's ears.

"...-so, what are you planning to do?"

As if that pause of the sound is the cause, the grass and trees start to waver.

"Kuku... why ask? It's obvious."

The cold wind blows in from the open window and softly touches the cheeks of the man with a grin, making the room a few degrees lower.  
>The other man shivers slightly before standing up.<p>

"So it's okay to send another undercover agent in replacement...right?" the stood up guy confirms one last time by putting a hand to the fusuma door and turning back towards the other man before leaving the room.

"..."  
>To the sound of the shamisen instead of a reply, the man about to leave, takes that as a 'yes'.<p>

"I will give them the order tonight then," he says lastly before opening the fusuma door and leaves the room.  
>Where only one man is left in the room, only the beautiful sound played echoes through the night, vibrating the grass and trees outside.<p>

* * *

><p>Through the open fusuma doors, I stare up at the night sky.<p>

It seems that today is full moon.

_It's so beautiful..._I think as I stare intensely upon it.

A few days have already passed since the night I had been captured by the Shinsengumi.  
>They finally had freed my hands but I always have a person on watch in the room with me.<br>It seems that they are finally deciding upon what to do with me, and so I am imprisoned in this room for all this time and still.

"I'm bored..." I sigh and look back up at the night sky.  
>I then hear footsteps coming towards this way.<br>By the time I realise that the footsteps have reached my room right at the fusuma door, a head pokes out of the gap.  
>...it's the Shinsengumi's inspector, Yamazaki-san.<p>

"I thought you might be a bit bored," he says with a smile.  
>This is how he usually is.<br>Everyday he would come visit me and erase my boredom.  
>That's why it's not as lonesome as to when I'm all alone.<p>

"Thank you very much... I was just thinking how bored I was," I say with a small chuckle, and to that he forms a light blush and comes into the room.

"...I've been thinking for awhile, but...," starts Yamazaki-san with a strong stare towards me after sitting down next to me.

_Thinking...? About what?_

I cock my head in confusion to then Yamazaki-san continues.

"Did you really have any intention of assassinating the commander, Tsubasa-san?" he says while furrowing his brows and staring at me so intensely that it makes my heart waver in hesitation to answering.

"...I did."

_I did have intention... on assassinating.  
>I acted upon it while saying to myself that this is a mission I need to complete.<br>But I had failed upon that mission.  
>It's a failure due to the cowardly thought of "I don't want to kill...", and most of all, because of the emotion that arose inside of me due to that person... Okita Sougo.<br>If I was told to assassinate them again, I would definitely not be able to accomplish the mission._

I downcast my eyes as I continue to speak to Yamazaki-san.

"But... I can't. I lost my perspective and emotion to think of everyone in the Shinsengumi as enemies."

_Who is to blame... for this emotion of not being able to think of the Shinsengumi as my enemy?_

A question asked to myself is easily answered also by me as an image of one guy floats in my mind immediately.

_I wonder...how he thinks of me..._

Just as I think that, I feel a presence of another person.

"...Yamazaki, your dirty inner thoughts are obviously visible right now."  
>My heart that had been calm a few seconds ago, starts pulsing rapidly.<br>Staring up towards the source of voice, I see _him_ in a white hakama.  
>My eyes waver when the person I had just been thinking about appears before my very eyes.<p>

"Wha-! No way, that's not my intention at all!" Yamazaki-san replies in a rush, "I just... wanted to be of use to Tsubasa-san..."

_"Want to be of use..." he says, even if I'm his enemy..._

Yamazaki-san is just too kind, and I feel warmth grow within my chest.

"Don't forget she's just an assassin," Okita Sougo says with a sigh as he averts his gaze from me.

The second I hear these words, my heart instantly freezes.

"Don't get too involved with her," he orders strongly with dispassion before leaving the room.  
>The room becomes overly quiet.<p>

_I thought so... to him I'm just one of his worst enemies and these feelings I have for him won't ever reach him..._

"Sorry... Captain Okita is that kind of person," Yamazaki-san murmurs quietly towards me who had probably read my emotions as I just stare at one point.  
>I feel sorry towards Yamazaki-san who sincerely worries about me.<p>

"No, I'm the one to apologise. Yamazaki-san, if you stay with me any longer, you're going to get growled at again."

"It's okay, I'm used to being growled at since I always slack off my duties by playing badminton," Yamazaki-san replies with an embarrassing smile and a blush to his cheeks which also makes me chuckle.

_How nice can this person be?_

I look up towards the starry night sky so he won't notice my tears that fill to the brim of my eyes.  
>Slowly turning its back upon this gentle, peaceful time, the hands of a clock makes its way towards 12 o'clock.<br>The time when everything crashes down nears...

* * *

><p>Looking at the sight of Tsubasa and Yamazaki talking made my irritation boil to the pits.<p>

_What the f-ck...  
>I had been careful and suppressing so much since she's our enemy...<br>...but that bastard Yamazaki!_

Letting my emotions steer my body, I had left harsh words and had left the room.

_"But... I can't. I lost my perspective and emotion to think of everyone in the Shinsengumi as enemies."_

That's what I had heard Tsubasa say before I had entered the room which had stopped my feet.

_...what the hell is she saying?_ I growl inwardly and force my legs towards them.  
>Again I had felt the irritation boil and overfill by body when I had actually seen the two together so closely.<p>

_...back away from her!_

The feeling of jealousy is so shameful, yet the words that had come out of my mouth had been just so low of me.  
>I irritate myself even more for making myself leave to leave the two alone again.<p>

"...Captain Okita!"  
>I turn around towards the call.<br>I growl at myself for how childish I am when I glare at the coming person with irritation.

"...what is it, Yamazaki?" I growl.

"It's about Tsubasa-san... actually, I think there's a possibility that she might get killed," Yamazaki whispers as he furrows his brows in concern.  
>To that I increase my intensity of my glare.<p>

"...what's that supposed to mean?"

"Well..."  
>Yamazaki replies to my question that I had asked with a slight quiver to it.<br>To the next few words, an icy chill runs down my spine.

_What the hell... are you saying..._

-Then immediately after that, I hear disturbed voices from the far side of the Shinsengumi headquarters.  
>Quickly realising what's going on, Yamazaki and I snap our heads towards that way, and as if on cue, a pale faced member staggers towards this way.<p>

"Right now... the Kiheitai... have intruded into the headquaters!" the member gasps.

"Ah! Captain Okita!"

My legs move before thinking.

_"Since Tsubasa-san failed her mission, she might be killed by the Kiehitai!"_

The words repeat in my mind over and over.

_If what Yamazaki had said is true...  
>I don't give a f-ck about comrades of enemies killing each other.<br>...but not her.  
>Just not her... I can't let them!<em>

* * *

><p><em>The time is dead midnight, and the end... was about to start.<em>

* * *

><p>I'm sorry I'm slow at updating as usual *sweat*<br>Today's chapter has no sweet bits and was serious from start right to the end（;´▽｀A``  
>I think this story will finish in about 2 more chapters ＞＜<br>Sorry if it's too short, Sadaharu-sama~;  
>I need to widen my capacity of imagination～～～(ノ◇≦。)！！<br>Thank you very much for reading this REALLY bad fan-fic!


	4. Chapter 4

(Continued from 'A Light That Never Disappears 3'  
>A story that was made from an idea an Amember<p>

It was an idea requested to me from the image created by the song 'truth' by Arashi.  
>I recommend listening to the song while reading<p>

Enjoy!)

* * *

><p>A Light That Never Disappears 4<p>

* * *

><p>When the hand of the hour and the hand of the minutes become together at 12,<br>that is the time that signals the end

The previously light starry night becomes more and more darkening by the second.  
>The clouds covers over the sky and seems as though it's about to cry any time soon.<p>

Something is going to happen.

That's what I feel.  
>My feelings are somehow unsteady.<p>

"Just wait for a bit"  
>That's the words Yamazaki-san left me before leaving the room.<br>Being left all alone, I just sit there and then.

..._yes, something is definitely going to happen._

It's exactly at the moment I think that,

"You must be Shiratori Tsubasa"

I hear someone's voice and spin towards the direction of the voice.  
>A guy dressed up in a black ninja outfit and staring down at me.<p>

_If I remember correctly... he's the same Kiheitai member as me..._

Though I don't know his name.  
>Because I didn't need to know, unless there was a specific reason for it.<br>For this guy to know my name is because he probably has a very good reason for it.

"...why are you here...?"

I can't figure the reason why this Kiheitai member is here and I feel myself furrow my brows.  
>The guy then mutely took out his sword from behind his back.<br>Once the silver glowing sword in the darkness of the night, is pointed at me, a bone-chilling cold voice vibrates through my ears.

"You failed your mission so now you are to be killed."

It's not like the breeze of the wind had blown into the room, but I feel a chill run down my spine.  
>I can feel my face starting to pale.<br>I squeeze tight my right arm with my left hand as if to protect my slightly shaking body.

"W-wait..."

It's true that I have failed the mission...  
>And a burden like me who is being caught, is to no use by the Kiheitai.<br>And plus, I don't have the right to be a Kiheitai member... me who has fallen in love with an enemy.  
>Of course that's a valid reason in any way for me to be killed.<br>...but

"...I will accept my punishment as to being killed. But before that, just once, let me see Takasugi-san."

At least, in the end, let me tell Takasugi-san,  
>thank him for taking care of me up until now.<br>But my wish is to weakly shatter before my very eyes.  
>By this man's words to come.<p>

"No need. There's no use for him to see you."  
>At the same time he says these words, he brings his sword down on me without a warning.<br>I hear the sound of the wind being cut, as I swiftly dodge it.  
>"Very well, then...!<p>

I throw a punch right into his gut at the same time he swings his sword up to strike again,  
>I leave the unconscious man there while I quietly apologise to him before dashing out of the room.<br>When I dash outside, I feel the wind much colder against my skin than before.  
>And I can hear the sound of swords clashing over on the other side.<p>

* * *

><p>Apparently there are more Kiheitai members here than that man.<p>

_Which means Takasugi-san may be too..._

To think just that, makes my body start shaking.  
>I am ready to accept my punishment...<br>But to think that I'm going to get killed, makes my every step, a rigid footstep.  
>I am so cowardly to be nearly in tears right now.<p>

"Kuku...what a face you're making."  
>To the low voice that suddenly appears out of nowhere, my feet stop.<br>My heart starts thumping hard and cold sweat runs down my body.

_This voice... belongs to Takasugi Shinsuke._

I slowly raise my head to see that person smirking down at me.  
>I thought I had sent a secret agent to you but... you really seem too valuable to kill."<br>He huffs a small laughter as he nears me.

_" valuable to kill"  
>Even if he says that, he is most likely going to kill me.<em>

The more the distance between him and I shorten, the closer I am towards my death.  
>But I don't run away.<br>I don't even move an inch as I just keep staring at him.  
>But even when we are at an arm length distance, he doesn't pull out his sword.<br>To that, it makes me confused and I furrow my brows.  
>He then gently raises my chin up.<p>

"I'll let you away with your assassination... but in exchange," he says, and then comes right up to my ear to speak, giving me the cruellest order that echoes in my ears,

"Continue with your mission... Assassinate all the executive members."

He then moves away and turns his back on me.  
>"If you can't, then you die," he coldly spits those words before disappearing out of sight.<p>

* * *

><p>I can't produce any sound out of my mouth as I fall to my knees.<br>My hands touch the ground as my body loses any strength to get back up.

_...there's no way I could do it_

A raindrop falls onto my trembling hand.

_Oh yea... the first time I met Okita Sougo, was a rainy day too..._

I just stare dully at the raindrops that seem to increase bit by bit.

To assassinate the one I fell in love with, and his comrades...  
>How cruel a reality that is.<p>

"...Tsubasa."

Just when I ball my fist, I hear a saddened voice fall from above me.  
>I had only listened to it a few times, but I had already clearly memorised to whom the voice belongs to.<p>

Surprised, I face upward to see his dripping wet appearance.

"Okita...san."

Just saying his name...makes the tears well up.  
>Just seeing him... makes my heart constrict so bad.<p>

Just locking onto his gaze with mine makes my body shout that I love him, but...

_"Continue with your mission"_

Those words keep crossing my mind.  
>I have to hold my sword, but my hand won't move.<p>

"...I...can't."

The tears just keep falling one after the other.

_I don't want to kill him. No I don't want to! I don't! I don't! I don't! _

I don't know what to do anymore.  
>It's so suffocating to be clueless...<br>And I hate weak self that just can't stop the tears...

I strongly ball my fist.

"To assassinate Okita-san... I really can't do such a thing..." I murmur and look up at Okita-san...

...and my body freezes.

* * *

><p>My blood freezes when I see behind Okita-san who is opening his eyes wide open by my words.<p>

_Why...? I thought he had left just moments ago..._

"If you're not going to kill him, shall I do it for you?"  
>The one who snickers and pulls out his sword... Takasugi.<p>

Okita-san spins around, having to just realise the presence behind him, but it's too late for him to act.  
>Takasugi's sword is quickly raised and his eyes glows sharply as he disappears and reappears behind Okita-san's back again, ready to strike his back.<p>

That is the moment, when my body starts moving on its own, before thoughts come first.  
>I raise the body that hadn't had any strength left moments ago, and with that body of mine, I push away Okita-san's out of the way.<p>

And the strongly thrown down sword of Takasugi's, rips deeply... not into Okita-san's... but _my_back.

"..._Tsubasa!_"

I hear his surprised voice somewhere far away.  
>The place where the sword implanted into me burns heavily.<br>The searing pain is too much that the vision starts blurring.

The sound, the vision, the smell...

I can't feel any of it anymore.

...Just only the feeling of someone perhaps embracing me.  
>But I'm not to sure...<br>Not anymore...

* * *

><p>Translator's note: Sorry for leaving it for half a year..<br>Was so busy in a lot of things, but I will try and start updating Hirari-san's awesome fanfics again. Cheers~

――――――――――――――――

It's so depressing all the way...  
>I'm sorry for making people's heart feel so heavy and all o(TωT )<br>I will try to update the next chapter a little faster,  
>so I hope you will read the next chapter too<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

Continued from 'A Light That Never Disappears 4'  
>A story that was made from an idea an Amember<p>

It was an idea requested to me from the image created by the song 'truth' by Arashi.  
>I recommend listening to the song while reading<p>

Enjoy!)

* * *

><p>A Light That Never Disappears 5<p>

* * *

><p><em>"Since Tsubasa-san failed her mission, she might be killed by the Kiehitai!"<em>  
>To these words of Yamazaki's, I slightly feel anger towards it.<p>

_...there's no way.  
>But even if it were to be true, I definitely won't let them kill her !<em>

Enemy or not, that didn't matter anymore.  
>As soon as I hear Yamazaki's reasoning, I bolt towards Tsubasa's room.<p>

Familiar cold rain falls from the night skies.  
>I mindlessly just run as fast as my legs could take me.<br>To protect the most important person to me.

_-...or that's how it was supposed to have been, but..._

The spitting rain gradually becomes heavy rain and the ground becomes dyed darker by the second.

_...and why... would the dye also be mixed with blood...?_

Tsubasa falls right before my very eyes.  
>And right beside her, is that Takasugi Shinsuke.<br>The guy I have to catch and arrest.

But to me, right at this moment, I don't give a sh-t about that.  
>My mind only fills with the thought of embracing Tsubasa who's breath is becoming short.<p>

"_Tsubasa!_," I shout.

Though I already know that...  
>Even if I strongly embrace her...<br>Scream her name...  
>...she won't open her eyes.<p>

I had wanted to protect her, and I feel all the self-hatred for not even being able to do that one thing.

Subconsciously, I fail to hold in tears that fall from my eyes as I have Tsubasa in my arms, whose body is gradually becoming colder.

"..."

Wiping the blood off the blade, Takasugi slowly returns the sword back to its sheath.  
>I give off my strongest death glare towards the guy who doesn't change the slightest feature across his face as he coldly stares down at the fallen Tsubasa.<p>

"Just as expected from the infamous Takasugi Shinsuke... not having a care for the world if anyone is a friend or foe, isn't that right?" I spit my words at him, voice shaking from pure hatred.  
>I hold down the <em>need <em>to slice him to death right this instance, and force myself to stay embracing Tsubasa.

_I don't want ever let Tsubasa be taken away by this bastard anymore!_

"... 'a friend', huh? This girl has nothing to do with us anymore. Do whatever you want with her," Takasugi coldly sneers as he turns away.  
>I'm only able to send daggers with my glare as I watch the bastard turn his back towards us and walk away.<p>

_If only I had noticed his presence sooner,  
>Tsubasa wouldn't have been in this state...<em>

...I hate this.

It's always like this.  
>Without being able to protect anyone, everyone just slips from my grasp...<br>Slipping away from me, leaving me all alone...

Please... I beg you. Just please open your eyes...

I just stay down on the ground with Tsubasa until I feel a presence crouch down beside me.  
>And without a word, this guy slowly grabs a hold of Tsubasa's arm to pull it around his shoulder before pulling her up while supporting her.<p>

I stare upwards in shock to see who this person is, and find a very rain-drenched person standing before me.

"...Hijikata-san..." The name of the guy escapes my lips.

"Hurry up and help out, dumbass... wanna let her die, do you?" Hijikata snaps at me with those dilated pupils glaring at me as usual.

Trying to save an enemy is so out of his character.  
>And moreover, I highly despise the fact that he's helping me out.<br>...but for now, I'll thank him for this.

"Hijikata-san, you look like a drowned rat"

"...shut up. So do you."

Our eyes meet, and then we feel ourselves smirking.

* * *

><p>My world had always been just plain darkness.<br>I couldn't see anything.  
>I had just followed Takasugi as he said and found myself being part of the Kiheitai.<br>And I just had just been assassinating without any thoughts or emotion.

But at last after continuously walking in the darkness...  
>...one source of light shone towards my way.<p>

By meeting him, one source of light had lit up my world of darkness.  
>...A source of light that shouldn't exist within me.<br>I tried again and again, but failed to make the light disappear.  
>It just very strongly, brightly lighting within me.<p>

...my whole body hurts.  
>The light invites me, beckons my immobile body towards it.<br>I try to grab a hold of that wavering light, chasing it in a world where nothing is visible.

"_...wait...!_"

I try hard to outstretch my arm.  
>And tried to grab a hold of that light that I can't possibly reach-<p>

-...and I slowly open my eyes.

I tiredly stare at the vision before me.  
>Until just a second ago, I had been in total darkness...<br>But now, I see a ceiling of a room lightened by sunlight.

_...I've seen this ceiling before._

I feel a surge of pain when I try to move a bit.  
>Looking down, I see that my body has been covered by bandages.<p>

_...that's right.  
>I had tried to save Okita-san and got cut by Takasugi-san.<br>I was sure I had died...but, _

Looking around, I find that I know this familiar room.

"... I know it..."

It's the Shinsengumi headquarters.  
>It is then, that I finally realise that there's someone in the room with me.<p>

I turn towards my side.  
>And there I see Okita-san, dozing in a sitting position while his hand holds mine.<br>The light that didn't disappear from my world...  
>...that was <em>him<em>.

I wonder if he had been crying, because I see a bit of redness under his eyes.  
>The light that I hadn't been able to chase and grasp is now right in front of me.<br>I feel my heart painfully constricting as I squeeze his hand.  
>Immediately, his eyes squint before slowly opening them.<br>And as soon as the eyes set upon me, they widen even more.

"...Tsubasa?" he weakly whispers.  
>I use the all the energy of what's left in me to wake myself upright.<br>The body screams against movement, but I ignore it.

"Okita-sa..." I smile and try to call his name, but am cut short when something unbelievable happens.  
>I feel the body heat of another's right up against mine.<br>He embraces me so gently to avoid stress upon my wounds.

"...ah, it seems that this is not a dream," he murmurs right beside my ear, making my pulse rate increase.  
>I had thought that I will never be able to see him again, to never be involved with him again.<br>But feeling the warmth of his body right next to mine, I feel tears of happiness well up.

"I'm so glad... that you're safe, Okita-san."

I had been worried that after I had fallen, Takasugi might have killed Okita-san too.  
>But he seems to be woundless and it seems there had been nothing to be worried about.<p>

"That's totally my line," Okita-san says with a soft smile, as he slowly pulls away from me.  
>He then lowers his gaze to my shoulder where he slides his fingers, following the creases of the bandages with a saddened face.<p>

"It's my entire fault... that you got this..." he mutters.

"N-no, you wrong! This is just my selfish doing! I did it for myself!"

With his touch upon my shoulder, I feel myself blush and downcast my gaze.

"...but I got saved by you nevertheless, so I owe my gratitude to you."

To those words, I embarrassingly look up to him, and see his attractive face with a small smirk to his lips as the soft breeze coming into the room wavers his hair slightly.  
>I can't take my eyes off him who locks his gaze and narrows his eyes softly.<br>Contrasting to that night we first met, the time passes by slowly while my heart races faster.  
>His hand approaches my cheek and cups it while his intensive stare makes me dazzled.<br>He slowly splits his mouth open to speak.

"...Tsubasa... I'm in lo-"

...just when he says that far, a thudding of footsteps is heard along with a shout.

"Captain Okita~~~~!"

_I remember this voice... it must be Yamazaki-san!_  
>The moment I think that, the fusuma doors are opened loudly.<p>

"Captain Okita! How is Tsubasa-sa...um...huh?"Yamazaki-san stutters to a stop when his eyes fall upon me.  
>Well it's understandable, since we are sitting and had been staring at each other at such a close distance.<p>

"Oh, um, Yamazaki-san!" I stutter also.

"...sorry to intrude," the blushed Yamazaki-san says in monotone, closing the fusuma doors quietly even though I had immediately pulled away fro Okita-san.

"..."

An awkward atmosphere drowns the two of us left alone in the room.  
>In the heavily quietened down room, I take a quick glance towards Okita-san.<br>He had done it at the same time, making our eyes lock.  
>Remembering what we had been doing before, I feel heat spread across my cheeks and I immediately downcast my gaze.<br>He also blushes as he averts his eyes.

"...Stay put 'cause you still need to be nursed back to health. I'll go bring breakfast," he informs, after grabbing a fist full of his hair and standing up.  
>I rush into calling out to him when he's about to open the fusuma door and leave the room.<p>

"U-um thank you very much! Saving a-an enemy...like myself."  
>Saying this makes my heart constrict in mental pain.<p>

_That's right. I'm their enemy.  
>When my wounds heal, I'm probably returning to the assassinating Kiheitai group.<br>There's not much time left for me to be with him now._

But he throws back an unexpected reply back at me.

"You're not our enemy anymore. Your head told us to do whatever we want with you now. Well, though... I guess the decision is up to you, what you want to do."

So think about it, he says before shutting the fusuma door behind him.

_'do whatever you want'?  
>So that's what Takasugi-san said...<em>

I'm not entirely sure what he meant by that, but I feel happiness and confusion at the same time, not mixing well inside me and giving me a complex emotion.

_...I feel bad for Okita-san.  
>But I have a feeling that I have to go and directly ask Takasugi-san.<br>I don't feel right to quite being an assassin without understanding the situation properly._

"I promise to come back immediately..." I quietly murmur before lifting my heavy body up.  
>Many parts of my body scream at the movement, but I can't pay attention to any of that right now.<br>I quietly open the fusuma door and escape the room.  
>To the Kiheitai... to Takasugi-san.<p>

I might get sliced by him again... but I made my choice.  
>I want to properly state to him that I want to be by <em>his<em>side.

Without being noticed by any of the members, I escape the headquaters.

* * *

><p><strong>Hirari:<strong>

**Sorry for not being able to update or reply to comments!**  
><strong>Comments are pretty hard to reply at this situation, so I will show my gratitude to those who comment by working hard on my FF works!<strong>  
><strong>And as for updates, I will try hard to update tomorrow<strong>

**Next update will be the last chapter!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Continued from 'A Light That Never Disappears 5'**  
><strong>A story that was made from an idea an Amember<strong>

**It was an idea requested to me from the image created by the song 'truth' by Arashi.**  
><strong>I recommend listening to the song while reading<strong>

**This is the last chapter^^**

**Enjoy!)**

* * *

><p>A Light That Never Disappears 6<p>

* * *

><p><em>In the quietened area opposing the usual mornings, a huge ship floats on water.<em>  
><em>The graceful melody of a shamisen is heard from the quiet room.<em>  
><em>Listening to this sound, a girl stands right in front of the room as her black hair is flicked to one side.<em>  
><em>Slowly, putting her hand onto the fusuma door, she calls out to the person inside.<em>

"It's Tsubasa... I am entering."

To that, the sound of the shamisen stops and all becomes silent.

_"You're not our enemy anymore. Your head told us to do whatever we want with you now."_

To those words Okita-san had said, I had felt my mind dance with joy a little bit.  
>Kiheitai... the group I thought that you couldn't escape from even if you wished to.<br>I had thought that nothing will be able to let me escape from it...  
>...But those words that Takasugi-san had left...<p>

_"Do whatever you want"_

I can't believe it, but it sounds like I am released from the group.  
>Free from the hellish job to kill people.<p>

"...I have come to talk to you, Takasugi-san," I say aloud and open the fusuma door.  
>And as soon as I do, I immediately see the figure of Takasugi leaning against a window.<p>

_I have something to talk about... I want to be beside Okita-san.  
>It might be impossible, but to make that wish come true, I need to leave the Kiheitai.<em>

I nervously open my mouth to speak these thoughts.  
>But when he turns around to face me, to the eyes directed towards me...<p>

_...I felt my whole spine run ice cold._

"I'm not as busy as to be listening to a dead person."

The mocking face expression.

The dagger shooting strong glare.

As if responding to these features, my body starts becoming rigid and immobile.

_...Oh, I see. To this person, I'm already dead._

I no longer am able to look at him in the eye, and I cast my eyes downwards.

_He won't even let me talk to him anymore_.

In the silence that dawns down upon us two, Takasugi casually pulls out his long pipe and puts it to his mouth.  
>He huffs out white smoke as if he's giving a sigh, before continuing his talking without looking this way.<p>

"I don't intend on keeping a dead person in the Kiheitai."

To the cold words that vibrate into my ear, I feel my heart drop.  
>He sounds like he had already known what I was going to say.<br>So in other words, leave the Kiheitai... that's what he means.

This is the result I had wished for.

But I only feel sadness.

I hadn't wished for a cold goodbye like this.

"...oh, right... I understand," I murmur before leaving the room, "...thank you for taking care of me."

No reply comes from the other side of the fusuma door.

With heavy lead-like legs, I walk towards the entrance of the ship and look in a daze.  
>This had never been the kind of way I had been hoping for when leaving the Kiheitai.<p>

I sigh deeply.

"Sighs will make your happiness escape from you," the low-tone voice comes from above, and I look up.  
>And standing there, leaning against the entrance of the ship, is Bansai-san.<p>

"Are you done talking with Shinsuke?" he asks with a slight smile.

"Well... in sort of like a one-way conversation," I sigh.  
>I hear Bansai-san chuckling when I slump my shoulders in depression.<p>

_I wonder if this person sees me as a dead person too.  
>Well, even if he did it can't be helped.<em>

"Tsubasa, you do know Shinsuke's skills, do you not?" Bansai-san says, his chuckle not quite leaving yet.  
>I furrow my brows. I don't know what he's trying to say.<p>

"Shinsuke would have been able to kill you without fault. But to avoid your vital organs purposely, do you know what that means?"  
>My eyes widen towards the person looking at me with a smirk playing on his lips.<p>

_What it means?_

Avoiding my vital organs purposely?

To try and work out my confused mind, I let my mouth open.

"What do you mean... like purposely avoiding my vital organs... that's just..."

_...that's just so unlike himself... so unlike Takasugi-san_I continue my sentence in my mind.

As I stare at Bansai-san, he removes himself off the wall he had been leaning on and walk towards this way.

"To say it simply, Shinsuke finds you too cute... I guess," Bansai-san says happily as he pats my head, "that's why he probably didn't want to make you suffer."

The gentle words make my chest start to burn.

_Didn't want to make me suffer?  
>That Takasugi-san?<em>

I can't believe the words that come from his mouth and I can't think of any words to return.

"From now on, you choose your own path you wish to live," that's what Shinsuke wishes for too, Bansai-san continues before turning his back on me.  
>Watching his back walking away from me, I suddenly realise that tears are falling down my cheeks.<p>

I am probably a very lucky person.  
>To have been given a life<br>To have been given freedom  
>And to go to be person who I wish to be with.<p>

I remember the cold words Takasugi-san had given me.  
>I don't know why, but somehow I now feel the kindness in those words.<p>

"Thank you very much!" I shout at the back of Bansai-san who doesn't look back but raises a hand to wave.  
>The vision starts blurring with tears.<p>

"Thank you...so much," I once again thank quietly, with a quivering voice, to Takasugi-san who I will probably never meet ever again.  
>I take a deep breath, and then turn my back towards the ship.<p>

I will go my own way.  
>I will not walk a path someone tells me to anymore.<p>

The direction my legs starts dashing towards... is towards the person I love most.

...The way to the headquaters seemed so long.  
>The more you want to see him, the longer the time feels and it's irritating.<p>

Hot, shining sunrays beam down at me and when I finally start to see the building, my legs start to hesitate.

_...is it really okay for me to come here?  
>On second thoughts, isn't it impossible for a ex-enemy to be entering here?<em>

Worrying thoughts fill and over-takes my mind and emotion.  
>I completely stop on my tracks and ball my hands into a fist.<p>

"Tsubasa..! Where had you been all this time!?"  
>The voice suddenly comes from behind, and I whip around to see <em>him<em>, Okita-san, out of breath.

"When I bring back breakfast you had disappeared from the room. What the hell were you thinking?" he growls with a frown but continues, "you had me worried there."

...I wonder if this is what people say "emotion over-fill".  
>Just staring at him makes my heart constrict so much.<br>My eyes start feeling hot.  
>I start feeling that I want to be closer to him.<br>That I want to tell him my feelings right here and now.

To think that... I wonder if I'm being too selfish.

"Come, let's go back to the headqua... oi, what's wrong?"  
>Sougo furrows his brows and plaster a worried look.<br>My eyes had started leaking tears and I can't find a way to stop it.  
>I can finally fulfil my wish that I had thought I would never be able to achieve.<br>I can finally make it into words.  
>Looking downwards, I wipe away my tears.<p>

_Just... just as long as he knows how I feel. Only just that... so let me please..._

Just when I raise my head to confess my feelings, I feel a small rush of wind against my cheek.  
>The heartbeat starts pounding so fast against the ribcage.<br>Right in front of me, I see soft chestnut hair.  
>And then I register that I'm within his embracing arms.<p>

"...why are you crying."

My heart leaps at the soft, gentle voice spoken right beside my ear.

"Oki...ta-san..."  
>The instant I say his name, I feel myself become overwhelmed with ears again.<br>When I can't form words properly due to my over-driving emotions, I feel him tighten his embrace me.  
>There are feelings I want to tell him, but the tears are in the way that I can't voice them.<br>I lean my body against him and close my eyes.

"Tsubasa... I'm going to say something important and I'm only going to say it once... so listen carefully," he then murmurs against my ear.

_Something important...? I wonder what it is..._

Feeling comfortable within his arms, I just slightly angle my head to hear him a little better.

"...-"

I had thought the time had stopped.  
>The eyes I had closed open widely.<br>And I feel my face blush deeply.  
>My mouth just hangs open from the words he had whispered into my ear.<br>When Okita-san slowly pulls away, I see his face just as red as mine, and when our eyes lock, he immediately averts his gaze.

_"...I love you"_

The words I had wanted to say.  
>The words I had wanted him to say.<p>

I can't believe my ears and stare up at the eyes that averts away from mine.  
>His blush even reaches his ears and then his eyes turns towards me with a frown.<p>

"Jeez, _Say_ something," he pleads as he awkwardly brushes his fingers through his hair.  
>Realizing my own lack of response, I open my mouth in a rush.<p>

"E-eh, um...well..."

Panicking, the only words that tumble out of my mouth, is this...  
>At this stage, I can't even bring myself to come out and say "I love you too!"<br>I feel myself becoming more and more downcast as if to hide the face that's getting hotter by the second.

_What do I do... I totally missed the timing to say it..._

Whatever the case, the distance between Okita-san and I are too close and my heart is pumping too hard for me to even properly speak to him confidently.

"If you're worried about being or had been an enemy, that stuff doesn't matter to me."  
>To these words that rain from above, I look up with a look of surprise, to see Okita-san's face in a full wide grin.<p>

And at an instance, his face closes up on mine and stops right before our noses touched.

"...that expression of yours is just way too cute," he murmurs sweetly before he gently plants his lips upon mine.

The heart seems to beat so fast as if it's about to explode any second now because of his stare, his words, his warmth...  
>The gentle kiss makes my head start to spin.<p>

When he slowly pulls away, our eyes meet again.

"...I love Okita-san too."

To that, Okita-san gives me the gentlest smile I had ever seen.

He gave me freedom.  
>He was the one ray of light that lightened my blinding darkness.<br>The light that now... will probably never disappear.

And I made a promise to myself that...  
>From now, I am going to continue to walk in a world that has light... together with him.<p>

End.

* * *

><p><strong>Hirari:<strong>

**F-Finally completedddddd!**

**In the midst of the unsorted messy stage of my AmebaBlog, I am glad to have been able to complete this story (*^▽^*)  
>But... I kind of feel that... the storyline that Sadaharu-sama helped me come up with turned out totally different to the original ideas!<strong>

**A supposed-to-be-tragic-love became an extremely happy ending story! ←wtf  
>I have confidence in being able to make any story endings a happy one (-"-;A←<br>Sorry for making the story a boring end like this *cries***

**But thank you ver much to those who have read this story till the very end!**

**Love you so much! lol**

**I will start another long-series FF soon, so I would be happy if you can read that tooヾ(＠^▽^＠)ﾉ**

**Thank you very much **


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